So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
