come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
