my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
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for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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