You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
