It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
