Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
