Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
