mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
