So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
