I can tuck mytits in my pants
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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