I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
