She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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