your thong is hanging out like whoa
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
