i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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