phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
