i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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