And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
