Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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