I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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