Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
3 2 1 whiskey
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
