youre lurking in front of me
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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