so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i think i just lost a toe
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
