She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
