I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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