its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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