tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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