you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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