somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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