How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize