A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
