So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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