There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
