What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
