I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
