Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?