is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
