Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!

(1-314): View more from Missouri

What?

(314): View more from Missouri

I have a yeast infection.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(325): View more from Texas

3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!

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(320): View more from Minnesota

What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.

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(303): View more from Colorado

We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences

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(210): View more from Texas

just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger

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