So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger