weddingsv make me drug and hornr
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The air taste purple.
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