Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize