You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
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Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.