We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
