i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
