You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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