Yo dont text me then not text me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
