my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
