I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
