Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
