How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
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Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
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It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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