Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
