i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
MIDGETS
????
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
