Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
