words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
