guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
