you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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