We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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