I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
