if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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