I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
