im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
