Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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