The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
