For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
please don't ironically join a cult
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