youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
