Cold hands, warm shart.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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