why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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