separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
