How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
