Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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