I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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