i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize