He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
