My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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