I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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