I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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