Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
