i always forget guys have bellybuttons
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
