Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
