I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
