My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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