Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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