you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
