Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
