when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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