I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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