i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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