my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
